Overindulgent, Irresponsible Parents!

I was out for a leisurely Sunday lunch today with my very close friend Julie. We got to talking, as we are apt to do, about family and our kids etc. The conversation always somehow gravitates to her nephew Dario and how unlikable a young man he is at 14. He's never been a likable child unfortunately. Partly due to the fact that children are like people that way, and aren't always nice people, and partly due to the fact that he's been raised by her parents in the most overindulgent fashion imaginable. "Guess what", she says to me, "Dario has been doing as of late?" To my raised eyebrows she replies, "now that he's such a large guy, he'll get up in front of my parents, chest all puffed out, towering over them, voice lowered and ask 'what did you just ask me to do?' I shook my head and said ~ sadly ~ "they created that monster", to which she wholeheartedly agreed.

I understand why Julie's parents felt they should shield and protect Dario from the big, bad world, but it just isn't acceptable to be so irresponsible; to ruin these budding humans and unleash them on society is wrong, and should be illegal quite frankly. We are not allowed to abuse children, but we are allowed to ruin them as potentially decent human beings. How, I ask, is this ok???

Julie's parents inadvertently ruined 2 humans. The first was Dario's dad. They had 2 little girls and wanted a boy. Rather, they thought, than to leave it up to nature, they would adopt. There were, after all, so many babies in need of good homes. The road to hell is paved with good intentions isn't it? The adoption agency suggested that they adopt a Native Indian baby, as there were so many in need of loving families at that time. So with all sorts of love in their hearts and hope in their naive minds, they brought home a 9-month Indian boy to raise as their own. When I met Chris I was 13 and he was 9. Julie and I had met in homeroom in Grade 8 and became fast friends. We were outside in the backyard, and her dad came out holding $5.00. He asked if it was mine. Yes it was, I told him. Even at my young age, I could see the sad defeat in his eyes. He explained to me that when I visit their home, I cannot leave my purse unattended or Chris would steal from me. Matter of fact, just like that, the rules of visiting this home were that you did not bring anything you were not prepared to guard. Fetal alcohol syndrome was a new diagnosis at that time, and this is what doctors believed Chris suffered from. This along with A.D.D. and antisocial personality. This child was a mess, and they were ill-equipped to deal. The home was ruled by Chris to say the very least. The family spent one day a week in counseling and they just tried to keep the peace; it's all they we able to do.

Chris became a heroin addict, in and out of prison. He eventually got the Dominatrix prostitute he was dating pregnant. They were both addicts and completely incapable of raising a child, though they did try for a short time. When Chris went back to prison and mama couldn't handle it anymore, Julie's parents adopted Dario and attempted to raise him as their own, determined that he be a better adjusted human than his dad.

From the day Dario came to them, it was apparent that things were going to go horribly awry. The world revolved around this child. He was the favoured one, the 'little king'. When he didn't like going to school, they took him out and home schooled him. When the other kids didn't like him because he was a little prick, he cried discrimination and the grandparents bought it hook, line and sinker. They kept him away from those 'horrible kids' and took him shopping and to Disneyland as often as possible. If he wanted it, he got it because they loved him and they wanted him to know it. There was not one iota of discipline. Ever. If Dario was to visit anyone else's home, that home was not to have a drop of alcohol, as it makes Dario upset. The world was a haven for Dario. uuuggghh! Now Dario is getting older and the real world is calling! My money has it that he'll be in prison in the next 3 years.

This is an epidemic, this type of overindulgent parenting. Children need boundaries. They need consequences, not corners to sit in when they're bad.

I am an old school parent; corporal punishment and all. I have three teen aged boys who are to date, very well behaved for the most part. I have asked them if they feel that I was too hard on them. They have said no, they respect my parenting style and intend to follow my lead. This makes my heart big and fuzzy, the codependent, insecure human that I am.

My oldest son got spanked. Often. He liked to test his boundaries and was put right back in his place. My middle son was spanked once or twice. A stern look and the knowledge of an unpleasant consequence kept him in line. My youngest son has never received a spanking. He never needed it. Consequences and the knowledge that mama was pissed was more than enough to keep him on the right path. Not all kids need punishment, but some do. Once, when they they were little and wouldn't clean up their stuff, I gave them a half an hour. I said if they didn't have everything put away, it was going in the garbage. A fair amount of stuff went in the garbage. They cleaned up their stuff from then on. Once, when my oldest wouldn't get dressed to go out after having asked him nicely like 15 times, I put him in the car in his underwear. I took clothes along and got him dressed after about 2 miles, but he got the point.

I was given a book when I had my first. It was called Parenting Isn't for Cowards, and it was the best parenting book ever written as far as I'm concerned. This book taught me so much about kids and their craving for boundaries.

In this day and age, parents are so busy talking to their kids. Apparently saying no fucks up their self-esteem...speaking of which, there are no winners or losers. WHATTHEFUCK?? NO WINNERS OR LOSERS? Are you kidding me??? Society is raising a bunch of humans who believe that all the world revolves around them, that they are all equal. They don't fail a grade when they can't read or write, and it's ok to talk back to their parents, because they are just 'expressing themselves'. They are princes and princesses who can do no wrong, and if mama has enough of their smart mouth and whacks them one, they just have to call child protective services and have them arrested. What happens to these people when they grow up and enter the real world? When they're told NO and expected to actually succeeded in their job. When they get fired for not doing well and it isn't just considered 'learning at their own pace'.

I am not a perfect parent and don't profess to be; but I am deeply concerned by this new age tra la la parenting style. I am frightened.

Last weekend my hunky hubby's uncle ~ who is one year older than him ~ came to visit with his son, who turned 19 on Saturday. We all went out for sushi and then to a lounge where we proceeded to get regrettably drunk. We were having a great time and brought home some friends to help us bring up the sun. Hunky hubby said to his cousin "isn't it cool that you can party with your dad legitimately now?", to which cousin replied "sometimes I just wish my dad was more my dad and less my friend".

'nuff said!